All that walking and feeding, and for what? I, who have only two and would love dozens, think Paddy more than a little greedy. Why should one person have seven dogs when I'm only allowed two? It's not fair.Concealing our greed is one of those things they smack into us as children. Whenever you hear anyone being accused of greed, another type of sensor goes into action This one does not buzz and burp, it listens carefully. The person talking is invariably revealing far more about themselves than about the third party of whom they speak. This is because we all tend to accuse others of greed in regard to the very things we ourselves crave My friend Paddy has seven dogs.

My husband, who doesn't especially like dogs, merely thinks she is mad to keep so many. Sadly these mocking creatures are banned by the Gaming Act from paying out winnings so all I actually gained for my wizardry were 12 free goes They soon went You don't, alas, have to hate me Most of you will pity my pathetic addiction. Would-be pinball wizards on the other hand may now be gnashing their teeth.Although we are only too well aware when we ourselves are being greedy, greed is something most readily detected - and condemned - in other people. Greed is in all of us, all the time, held in check - more or less - by the restraints of politeness and common sense. It lurks dangerously like dry rot or some dormant disease, waiting for the right conditions to burst forth and wreak cheerful havoc. Even the saintly, whom you might hesitate to call greedy, can become driven by their greed for saintliness.

Greed for media attention drives film stars, politicians and the more insecure royals to gruesome lengths.Before you pen that begging letter, it might please you to know that my thirty seven million were won on a pinball machine, one of those miracles of modern engineering whose ringing bells and flashing lights electronically imitate the guzzlings and shlurpings of rampant human greed. Are you irritated when you read of some captain of industry doubling his salary?8 Did Princess Di's seventeen million annoy you?9 But were you also delighted her old man had a divvy-up?10. Have you already planned your letter to Santa this year?If you scored 7-10 on the Grand Index, you are a human being Much less than seven, you're probably lying And there's the rub. Anglo-Saxon porkers were every bit as eager as their modern streamlined counterparts to plunge theire snouten ynto ye trof And now for the scientific survey. Just how greedy are YOU? (Please answer the following questions, scoring 1 for yes and 0 for no): 1 Do you envy me winning thirty-seven million?2 Would you like to win the National Lottery?3 Would you care for a backdated pay rise?4 How about somewhere nice to live?5 A new car?6 Fancy a nice long expenses-paid holiday?7.