Manchester United Radio was launched at the end of February, and is at the forefront of a growing trend among top clubs. 'IT'S 4.30,' said Matt Proctor, 'welcome to Manchester United Radio on 1413AM.' To be strictly accurate, it was the voice of Matt Proctor; Matt Proctor himself was smoking his pipe in the ante-room to the studio and telling a rather amusing anecdote about the referee Neil Midgley His voice was on tape Ah, the joys of live radio. So if your unscheduled day-out looks certain to be discovered, you may actually be better off marking your shirt with a trace of garish lipstick, or dabbing a few spots of cheap perfume on your trousers, rather than returning with trout scales under your fingernails.. Even a half-empty petrol tank can be difficult to explain away, especially if your wife suspects you've been conducting an extramarital affair.Some wives would be happier to find the answer was another woman, rather than a fish.

Beware of receipts that arrive days later, and never pose for photos of your catch. Many an angler has been undone by a careless cheque stub or credit card slip. Bait, boats and day-tickets need to be paid for in cash and in advance. But deceiving a mistrustful wife, especially a home-based one, is another matter. You drink water in the pub at lunchtime, ignore the comely new barmaid and leave half your lunch. But it is hard to explain the siren call of water to a non-angler.Preparation is the key for a covert day's angling It's easy to pretend incipient illness to work-mates. 'You come back looking far too contented to have spent the day at work,' she accuses.

But how do you explain away falling in the river, a car covered in mud or a parking ticket from Rutland Water when you get home?Even if I've covered my tracks perfectly, with a cast-iron excuse to cover my absence from the office all day, my wife always seems to know I've been fishing. Simple things like a spillage of maggots in the boot are easy to sort out. But the sun shining on the water will tan your face and hands in a way that eight hours in front of a PC will never do, while there is an indefinable smell - a mixture of wild thyme, ripe blackberries and healthy air - that nobody who is supposed to have spent the day in an air-conditioned office can easily explain away.All this presupposes that no disaster befalls you during the day. It's not just the fish: you can wash slime off your hands, prise tell-tale groundbait from under your nails and chuck those leftover maggots into the river. But how do you explain returning home with a 10lb cod or a brace of trout, when you are supposed to have spent the day in a board meeting? You can only use the 'someone at the office went fishing and caught so much that they gave me a couple' excuse once.The aftermath of fishing is difficult to conceal. If you enjoy sea or game fishing, it's natural to keep your catch after a successful day.