Of course] It must be a genetic mutation which has produced a creature that feeds on bile, hibernates for years at a time and can dislocate his entire skeleton to squeeze through heating ducts. Why couldn't those stiffnecks in head office see that? Clearly another triumph for the deductive method.. Spiritual guidance as well as ski guides are offered by MasterSki (081-942 9442) at its new Christian-run ski hotel in the French Alps. The venue is the Hotel Altitude, in the village of St Martin de Belleville in the Three Valleys area of the Savoie..

Because of the way the world bulges in the middle, the point furthest away from the centre of the earth is Mount Cotapaxi. This volcano is almost on the Equator, and is one attraction on the route of the Encounter Overland (071-370 6845) 19-day tour of Ecuador Departures are on 1 and 22 November, and 20 December The total cost from London is about pounds 1,500.. A big new exhibition of the work of Gauguin begins in Liege on 21 October, continuing until 15 January. Further details from the Belgian Tourist Office, 29 Princes Street, London W1R 7TG (071-629 0230)..

The Cote d'Opale is the coast stretching south between Boulogne and Le Touquet. In an attempt to benefit from the opening of the Channel Tunnel, local restaurateurs are offering gastronomic short-break holidays based at the Hotel du Parc in Hardelot. A two-day package with breakfast plus lunch or dinner at one of the 13 participating restaurants costs pounds 68. Three days, including two main meals and cheese-tasting, is pounds 145 per person.

Bookings should be made through the Boulogne tourist office on 010 33 21 83 32 59.. If you thought fares on British Rail were expensive, pounds 950 for a train trip around the West Country might distress you even more. But this journey is a three-day special aboard the Royal Scotsman, and the price includes accommodation, meals and sightseeing trips. Departures are from Paddington on 18 and 22 November, and can be booked on 0753 833377.. For two months from 15 October, the Portugese airline TAP (071-828 0262) is cutting the cost of its scheduled flights from Heathrow. Destinations Lisbon, Faro and Oporto are available for pounds 109 return.